I have a secret to tell.
The reasons I feel it should be a secret are muddled to me: probably something to do with being judged, a
little bit of not wanting to put my heart out there where it can get kicked
around, and a lot to do with wondering if anyone would care anyway.
The reasons I feel like I should share my secret are more clear
to me. I believe that when we decide to
share - it can help set someone else free who might think they need to keep
secrets or stay hidden because they are ‘different’. I believe it is powerful when we don’t feel
like we have to stay hidden any more - then we can accept fully who we and are
free to accept others fully for who they are.
And wouldn’t it be a lovely world if we could all accept each other
fully just the way we are? Kind of
utopian. Heavenly even.
So here’s my secret:
Jesus speaks to me through music; and not just any music, but country
music. Gasp! Oh no!
Zut alors! She did not just say
that?? Jesus speaks to her through
country music? That has got to be on the
list of blasphemous things to say, somewhere, wherever that list is.
I am also a huge fan of contemporary worship music, quite
regularly have to listen to Disney soundtracks (and can manage not to grimace)
and have one or two 80s rock songs that bring back um…memories. I appreciate the Lord of the Rings
soundtracks and there is a smattering of other musical pieces out there that I
can connect with.
But when I am struggling with life or self-esteem or
something else deep, the answer for me is going to come from one of a few
places, the Bible, a worship song or some country lyrics.
I didn’t even realize I was hiding this fact about myself
until I was at a prayer meeting one night and the facilitator prayed something
along the lines of “Jesus wants to sing a new song over you, listen quietly and
see if you can hear what it is.” I
didn’t have to listen quietly; I knew instantly what it was because I had been
captivated by a song throughout the week that reminded me of how in love Jesus
is with me.
It had been blasting relentlessly; my kids were sick of it,
I am sure the neighbors were sick of it, even the dogs and cat were sick of it. But I couldn’t get enough of it.
So then we were asked in the prayer meeting to share what
songs we had heard, one lady mentioned a lovely old hymn, another, an upbeat
tune from I am thinking the seventies, and on it went. And there I was with not only a country song,
but a country-RAP remix of the song that contains some inappropriate lyrics and
has a video that I tell my kids they have to close their eyes to watch. You can bet I didn’t share.
I guess I figured it would be better to blog about it and
potentially have twenty people find out than the ten that were in the prayer
meeting??
But anyway - this
particular song SPOKE to the empty spot in my soul and I know beyond a shadow
of a doubt that Jesus was trying to get across to me the intensity of His love. For me.
He was beaten and died on a cross for anyone who wants to
believe that - and that is more than enough to prove how intense He is, but at
the moment I heard THAT song for the first time, He knew I needed a reminder.
I was worn down with the daily grind. I had a bunch of first world problems; the
most distressing one at the time being that I am a country girl trapped in
town, on a busy road where I have to yell at my kids to watch for idiots
driving too fast in a school zone and to hurry up and let the dog in before the
neighbors call the SPCA and bylaw on us again.
So I knew I needed to pray.
I began by asking God to change my heart, change my attitude and at the
time - I didn’t know it - but I felt like I needed to change ME. “Make me a city girl God, let me be excited
about being only a five minute walk from Wal Mart and thankful for the
playground directly across the street despite the traffic. Take the longing out of my heart for dirt
roads and freedom and cabins in the woods.”
And I expected to hear, “Thank you for admitting your bad
attitude, let’s get that fixed up, we will get you ship shape and turned into a
city girl in no time and you will LIKE it.
Now, don’t ever complain about that stuff again.”
But guess what? That
is not what I heard.
I began scanning You Tube for appropriately sad country
tunes to complement my woeful mood. I
had run through all the trusty stand bys and came across a new one; called
Cruise. Yes, that’s right, not only is
it country rap song…it is a truck song with a swear word in it. I know, it just keeps getting worse and
worse. Jesus spoke to me through a truck
song with a swear word in it. That’s
probably on the blasphemous things to say list as well - if I could find that
gosh darn thing.
It would be hard for me to describe exactly all the ways
these particular lyrics moved me. But hands
down the ones that meant the most, that I felt coming directly from Jesus
Himself were the last four lines.
My windows down, my seats back,
My music up, and we ride.
Her legs up on my dashboard,
And it's just the way I like.
Hey, country girl, this country boy
Like everything about you.
Don't change a thing, no way.
You stay the same, I got you.
My music up, and we ride.
Her legs up on my dashboard,
And it's just the way I like.
Hey, country girl, this country boy
Like everything about you.
Don't change a thing, no way.
You stay the same, I got you.
It is difficult to explain how
exactly I ‘felt’ it. Imagine a massive,
unexpected surge of adrenaline – that’s about as close as I can get. But that’s how it is when Jesus speaks
through the Holy Spirit – you just KNOW.
Yup, He’s got me. Just the way I am. And while that doesn’t necessarily mean I will be freed
from town, it does mean I am free from the worry that there is something wrong
with me if I don’t like it here or if I dream about pick up trucks and hay
bales. That’s just the way I like it.
Go ahead, listen, what is He
singing over you? Don't stress if it doesn't line up with what everyone else hears. It’s okay…you don’t
have to keep it secret. He already
knows; it’s in His heart too.
17 The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3 (NIV)
the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3 (NIV)
“Now have come the salvation and the
power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down. 11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony…
Rev. 12:10-11 (NIV)
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down. 11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony…
Rev. 12:10-11 (NIV)